Bittersweet Emotions

Weddings, 30th Birthday Party of a best friend, Graduations. Sometimes I wonder, "why did I leave THIS year out of all the years to choose?!" I could have never imagined that I would not be able to witness such special events of some of my dear friends and family. My heart has been heavy about this for the past several months and I have had a hard time with accepting that I wouldn't be there to support my loved ones. I considered flying home for the summer/fall to be there, but the expenses made it seem unrealistic and I would never have another chance in my lifetime to work and live in NZ for a year. The bittersweet aspect of this is that I am in beautiful NEW ZEALAND and experiencing one of the most life-changing trips of my life. I am growing in ways that I've never imagined and I am so blessed to be where I am and to have these experiences. Luckily, I have really stellar friends and family and they are all supportive of me staying in NZ even if that means that I can't make it to their event. I think it hurts me more than it hurts them. It has brought many tears. Though this sorrow I feel is real, I am also choosing to feel immense JOY for what they are all about to experience with or without me.

Abbey

I am so happy that my best friend, Abbey, is able to gather her wonderful friends together for a weekend in the woods in Oregon and having kale cook-offs, themed dance parties, jam sessions, and beautiful hikes! 

Nicole

My heart melts at the thought of my great friend Nicole getting married to a man who truly loves and respects her and will make a great lifetime companion for her. I always talked about being at her wedding one day and it has been hard for me to realize that I won't be there to be in pictures of her special day and boogie down on the dance floor with her like the old days, but I will certainly be there in spirit! 

Kiersten

My dear cousin, Kiersten, graduated in May with a Bachelor's degree in Psychology and I couldn't be more proud! She has truly proven herself to be a very intelligent, independent and lovely young lady and I am so excited to see where her future takes her. Again, I remember talking about looking forward to witnessing her graduate, and again, another event that I have missed in person, but deeply love her and can't wait to squeeze her!

Jami and Dion

My beautiful cousin, Jami, is someone who I am very close with in my family and have shared many laughs and tears over the years. There has been much struggle, but I am so blessed to have her as a role model in my life. She is one of the strongest, most caring and loving people that I know. She is real. She loves the Lord and she isn't afraid to declare it. God has done some amazing things in her life in recent months and she will be getting married in October! Again, I will not return to the US until November, but I will be praying for my spirit to be present throughout her celebration! 

So after all is said and done, I am choosing to feel excitement, joy and happiness for all of my friends and family during their times of celebration no matter if I am present or not. You all know I would love to be there, but I appreciate you understanding my circumstances and supporting me through my decisions to continue exploring NZ and my purpose. Most people who I've shared my heart with on this topic have reminded me that I WILL indeed see each of you again when I return and we will celebrate together when that time comes. I cannot wait to be with you and give you all big HUGS! 

Thank you for loving me from afar; for your encouragement and support. It means the world to me. Friends and family, including those not mentioned above, you make my HEART Smile. Til we meet again, enjoy the days to come! :D